Love Was Lost Forever
by Lady Ali
Summary: What would happen to an Imprint if the other one died. What would it do to them? Could they survive the pain? What if that imprint was Nessy and Jake died. That's where im going to take this story from the questions to Nessie's reality.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one ~ Life leads to unexpected tragedies.

My life has been great since that day out in the baseball clearing, the day the Volturi came to kill me. They thought I would cause the vampire world problems, because I was a child vampire and they thought I would be uncontrollable. They had no idea I had more control of myself then they did.

After that night, we stayed in Forks, which wasn't what my aunt Rose wanted. She wanted to leave right away, but I cried and cried about leaving Jake. I wouldn't do it. I can remember thinking I would die without my Jake.

After they left everything has been wonderful, peaceful even. I had a great loving family and great friends. One of which being my best friend, my Jake.

Jake and I have been best friends for a while now. He is so sweet and protective of me, I really don't get it. How can someone that looked like he did, want to spend so much time with me.

My sixtieth birthday is in a week and that's when my immortality will start. I will totally stop changing. No more growing at all. I told Jake I was a little scared for it to happen. I wanted to keep changing, I wanted to live a normal happy life, but who was I kidding I was half vampire half human. What's normal about that? I didn't want to die and leave everyone I loved behind either. Jake and I were most of the time inseparable. He's my best friend, a friend that I could tell anything to?

I know we are just friends, but I want to be more. In all reality I truly love him, I've just never told him. I'm a little scared to tell him how I really feel, how I want to wrap my arms around his amazing copper body and tell him how I can't live without him. To tell him how much I need him. I wanted to tell him I never wanted him to leave me and that I never wanted to let him go.

What if he looked at me like I was crazy and told me we could never be more than just friends? What if after I told him all that, I lost him as my friend? I wouldn't be able to handle that. I always racked my brain with these questions, when I thought about telling him how I feel.

I wish he was right here so I could tell him how much I wanted to be with him. Forever! But, would end up chickening out just like every other time I had tried. I ended up just standing there, not looking at him, trying to get up enough courage to tell him.

"_Jake can I talk to you?" I asked him as I came down the stairs from my room at my grandma's house. He was sitting on the couch with my uncle Emmett playing video games with him, laughing and cutting up. _

_As soon as he heard my question he smiled at me putting the game controller down and walking towards me. He stopped right in front of me with that smile on his face, the one that took my breath away each time. _

"_Sure Ness, how about we go for a walk?" I couldn't do anything else but nod my head. The butterflies were flying around in my stomach, but they weren't butterflies they felt more like huge birds. Jake seeing my worried face reached out and stroked my cheek with his hand. "Ness are you alright? Your not sick or anything?" _

_I still couldn't speak, but I got up enough courage to look up at him and smile. Taking me by the hand he lead me out of the house and into the woods. We went to the place we always went to, and I stood there in front of him like a idiot, I couldn't say the words I wanted too. _

"_Nessie what is it sweetheart? You know you can tell me anything." He said. He was right I could tell him anything so why was it so hard to tell him this. _

_I looked up into his brown eyes and I couldn't do it, I couldn't lose him over this. _

"_It's nothing Jake, I can't…." I could feel the tears start to come to the surface and I didn't want him to see me cry, so I shook my head and ran away from him. _

Coming out of my memories of that day when I came as close to telling him as I ever had, I thought about where he was right at this very moment. Right now he's out with his pack. It has grown over the years, most of the old pack follow Jake now instead of Sam, but Sam still has six of his own. Leah, Seth, Quil, Embry, and a couple of the younger ones follow Jake. I love his pack their always around and a big part of my life.

I'm also best friends with Quil's imprint Claire. I also like Embry's imprint Casey, but not as much as Claire. Casey's so bossy and a little bit of a control freak.

Just thinking about Jake gives me goose bumps. I miss him so much, when he's not around. The only one's left that hasn't imprinted is Seth, Jacob, and Leah, but everyone thinks Leah won't.

Even everyone in Sam's little group had imprinted already. It was a little weird to me. It was supposed to be rare, at least that was what Jake had told me. I asked Jake what it was supposed to be like once and he told me it was like everything that held you to the earth was just set free and that one person now was the only thing holding you here on earth. You live for that one person and would be anything they wanted.

He talked like he knew how it felt, that kind of scared me. I didn't want to lose my Jakey to some stupid other girl. I really wanted him for myself. By the time I got done day dreaming about Jake it was time for me to go to bed.

That night I kept dreaming about him, but it wasn't my normal dreams about him, they were scary dream. They were so vivid in the color it was like I was watching it truly happen to him in front of my eyes, almost like I was standing there, but I couldn't do anything to change the outcome.

I watched as Jacob in wolf form and his pack were out running, playing, and hunting. I watched in pure terror as a hunter was just a hundred feet from them, the hunter heard them come up from behind him and he shot his gun…Jake had been in the front of the pack.

"NO Jake NO!" I thrashed and screamed. I tried to run towards him but I couldn't get to him in time.

The hunter shot my Jakey! NO JAKE JAKE! I watched as he fell to the ground I woke up screaming, but not out loud anymore. I was screaming in my head, begging for it not to be real. My mom and dad came running in.

" Nessie darling what's wrong?" My dad asked holding me to his chest, while tears streamed down my cheek, clinging to my dad shaking, and gasping for air.

" Renesmee, honey please tell me what's wrong!" My mom begged.

" Bad dream….." Was all I could say.

My dad got all quite, listening to my thoughts as I thought about the dream. _**It was horrible Daddy!**_I shouted at him in my head.

"Daddy, we have to find him NOW!" I screamed. I felt in my gut that something was wrong, that it wasn't just a dream. Something was terribly wrong with my best friend and my love Jake.

" Honey, he's out with the pack." My mom told me.

Right when she said pack my moms phone rung out and I knew in my heart then and there it wasn't just a dream. It was Seth on the line and I could hear him screaming at my mom.

She looked at me really weird. My dad just grabbed me and held me tightly. I looked at him and asked him _**what happened? **_in my head. He wouldn't answer me so I screamed **"MY DREAM WAS RIGHT! **He just shook his head.

Pushing myself away from my dad and not even worrying about changing out of my pajamas. I ran out of the house and headed towards La Push and Billy's house as fast as I could, pushing myself faster then I had ever gone. I was crying so hard, half way I couldn't move anymore, I just collapsed and everything went black.

I don't know how, but when I woke up, I was laying on Billy's couch. When I opened my eyes again everyone just looked at me with the saddest looks on their faces, tears creeping down their cheeks.

Grandpa came over and checked me out. He wouldn't even look me in the eye. I knew something was terribly wrong and it had to do with Jacob, but my brain was so muddled. So I asked.

"Where is Jake?" I looked at everyone and no one would look at me. No one would answer me.

" WHERE IS HE?" I yelled! Finally my mom and dad came over and kneeling down next to the couch and me.

"Honey, the dream you had, well it wasn't just a dream. Honey, Jakes gone." My dad told me trying not to look me in the eye's. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. Gone? Gone where? Jake wouldn't leave with out saying goodbye to me. Not My best friend, not my Jakey, he would never do that to me.

Then my dream came to me and I screamed "**NO!" **Then I felt a ache in my heart that hurt so bad I couldn't take it, it felt like I might die. My heart crumpled to a million tiny pieces and no one would ever be able to pick them back up again. The pain was so bad that for the second time tonight I blacked out again.

When I was out I had another vivid dream, it was of Jake also. It wasn't a bad dream, but I don't think it was a dream either. It was more like a memory.

Jake and I were in the woods running together. I had jumped into a tree and he was acting like he couldn't find me, I giggled and he looked up and said "There you are Nessie." he smiled that gorgeous smile at me.

I think I was about one then, but I looked like I was about five or six. It was a perfect memory. I relished it as much as I could. I didn't want to let go of the happiness that it showed in Jakes face, but it started to fade away and the pain started to come back to me.

Terrible pain shot through my chest. I barely could handle the pain. I wish I could be with Jake right now, I thought to myself, he always made me feel better. But then it hit me again, Jake was gone. When I realized this I felt like I was sinking into a deep pool of water. I didn't resurface for a while. I just floated in the nothingness of my mind, it was void of any color but I could hear Jakes voice telling me that is was going to be okay. That he would always be with me.

When I woke up this time, Grandpa was crouched over me checking me out again. I looked up at him and whispered "Is it true?" He just shook his head yes. I just stared at him and started crying. I got up from Billy's couch and ran all the way to my room in the cabin. I couldn't be in Jakes house, I could smell him every where and I just couldn't take it.

When I got there Seth, Quil, Embry, and Leah was in my room waiting for me. When I saw them I ran for Seth. He was like a big brother to me. I started to get weak in the knees again and almost collapsed, but Seth and Quil made me sit down on my bed.

I just laid there crying for the longest time, they just sat there with me. Finally I looked up at them with tears still streaking down my face. They all had been crying as well even Leah.

"You guys d-d-didn't have t-to stay w-with me." I said trough the tears.

"Nessie we have to give you something" Seth said to me. Still no one was actually looking me in the eye's.

" What is it Seth? Couldn't it wait?" I asked

" No Nessie, it can't really wait, it's a message from Jake he wrote it before his stupid butt got killed." Leah said

I couldn't believe she just said that to me. How dare her! I looked up at her and for once I could have sworn I felt like a vampire.

" HOW DARE YOU! SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW!" I screamed at her and growled. I backed her right out of my room. Then right out of my house. Everyone followed me. My mom and dad were in the living room, they watched me with their mouths open. I was so much shorter than her and she was so much stronger but she looked scared to death. "DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT AGAIN YOU STUPID MUTT GIRL!" I shouted after her. I had backed her right out the door! I slamed that door right in her face. I didn't care if I hurt her or not, right now I was so angry and upset it didn't mater anymore. I felt like my life was over, I never got to tell him, I thought to myself. I never got to tell him. The thought made me cry even harder.

I ran back into my room and fell onto my bed crying so hard I could barely breath. Seth and Quil walked back into my room and sat on the floor in the corner. I felt like my world was crashing down around me. Like I was dying also, I wish I was. I thought. I whispered " I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell him I love him!" I couldn't tell if they heard me or not, I didn't really care. I looked up after about ten minutes and looked at Seth. He looked at me then looked away really quick.

" Why are you guys still here? Where is this thing you have for me?" I asked them. I stood to my feet and looked them both in the eye's.

" We promised Jake we would take care of you, he made us promise him right before he took his last breath" Quil told me still looking down

" It's right here Ness, here." Seth said giving me a letter and a velvet box. I opened the letter first. With just the first line I was crying and the first line was only My dearest Nessie.

My dearest Nessie,

From the first time I saw you I knew I loved you. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh I can't live without any of it. I've told you about imprinting, the other day you asked me about it, how it was supposed to feel and I told you exactly how it feels. You gave me this weird look. I knew exactly what was going through that crazy brain of your, exactly what you were thinking. Why does he sound like he knows. Well, I do know. Because you are my imprint. You're my other half. You complete me! I love you more than you'll ever know and I hope you love me too. I want to be with you forever Ness. But if you don't feel the same way about me, I'll understand. I won't force you in any way! As long as we can at least be friends. But if you do feel the same, you'll make me the happiest wolf in the world.

Love

Jacob Black

I opened the box and dropped it on the floor. I was a amazing diamond ring. I just stared at the guys with tears streaming fast down my face.

"It was your birthday present Ness," Quil told me "it's a promise ring. He loved you since the day you were born." I was speechless. I knew how I felt about him. I just didn't know he felt that way! What was I going to do with out him. All of the sudden I couldn't breath again. I fell to my floor, and started screaming in my head and of course my dad came running. I slid to the floor. Rocking back and forth. He grabbed me and held me. All I could think was _**what do I do with out him? What do I do daddy? I don't want to be without him! **_

I just kept repeating it in my head then after maybe the tenth time I said this, I looked up at Quil and Seth and asked " Where is he?"

" What do you mean Nessie?" Seth hesitated "you mean his body?"

" Yeah, Seth Where?" I asked

" At his house, they are getting him ready for the funeral tomorrow." He whispered

I didn't wait to listen to anymore, I was out of the house. I ran the fastest than I had ever ran in my life. I could hear them following me but I didn't care! I made it there and Sam was sitting outside. He gave me the most evil stare I've ever seen. He must have known what I said to Leah I didn't care. I tried to push past him but he wouldn't let me in. I just stood there staring at him. Finally Seth and Quil showed up and looked at us. They looked like they didn't know what to do. Finally Billy came out and put his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Sam, she's mourning right now, she has no clue what she said to Leah. Let her say goodbye. Look at her Sam, this might just kill her too. Remember the story of the other imprint and the wolf that imprinted on the girl that died. Remember how the wolf killed himself, now we don't wont Nessie to do that now do we?" Billy said to Sam, they both looked at me and right then I felt like I was dead, I was inside at least.

Billy grabbed my hand and lead me into Jake's room. I could feel him there, I could smell him there. I walked in by myself, Billy left me at the door. Jake was laying there on his bed. It looked like he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful. I didn't really know what to do. I knew what I wanted to do but I didn't know if it was okay. So I asked for Billy to come back in.

"Billy is it okay if I lay down there with him? I want to say goodbye if I can." I said this with tears in my eyes. He looked up at me with loving caring eyes and told me.

"Honey, you do what you need to do. He loved you. I would never begrudge you this time with him. You do what you feel like you want to do." He went to leave the room but I stopped him.

"Billy do you think he knew, did he know I loved him?" I whispered barley audible.

" Of course he did sweetheart. He knew. Don't you worry about that!" He told me. Then he walked out of the room and left me with my true love that was gone from me forever!

I laid down in his bed with him and wrapped my arms around him. I kissed his cheek and told him exactly everything I wanted to tell him, all the stuff that I had kept from him. Exactly how much I loved him. How I didn't want to live without him. How much I really needed him. How much my heart ached without him. I laid there for hours. Then I think I must have fallen asleep there. Because I was woken up by Billy telling my mom that I was okay that I fell asleep in there talking to Jake. My mom asked to see him again and he let her. She walked in and seen me, I was acting like I was asleep though. So she whispered to Jake.

"Jake, I can't believe your gone. I miss you so much. You were my best friend, I love you so much. We all don't know what to do without you. I saw the letter and the ring you gave Nessie! Jake I don't know if she can handle this. I'm so worried about her. I'm going to go ahead and take her home now. Miss you and love you always. I'll never forget you My Jacob!"

With that she picked me up and took me home. I didn't want to leave him there, I wanted to stay in his arms forever, but it felt like Jake wasn't there. He was already cold and my Jake was never cold, but it was still him and I needed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone, I hope you all like this story, I really wish you would let me know what you think. But anyway, heres chapter 2 :)

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Chapter 2 ~ Not Even Living, I Was Just Numb…

The next day was the day of the funeral. I felt like a zombie, totally numb, I was there but only in body. I watched the whole thing. I couldn't even cry anymore, I just stood there swaying a little.

He was being buried in the woods next to our special spot. A place we used to go together to talk. The very spot that I had almost told him many times that I loved him. It was his favorite spot to go in the woods.

Everyone just kept glancing at me. Billy came over to me and asked if I wanted to say anything. I just looked at him with this blank look on my face. He walked away with a tears in his eyes. I looked down and I didn't even know what I was wearing. Who had dressed me? I was wearing a little black strapless sundress. With black sandals. My thoughts were so chaotic.

I so wanted to jump in that hole with him and let them cover me up too. As soon as I thought that my dad ran to my side. I actually had taken a step in that direction.

He grabbed my shoulders and I started crying again. I screamed a wordless screams, it was the loudest scream I had ever heard hurting my ears and I fell to the ground. My mom ran over and held me while I sat there crying and rocking back and forth again. I shoved her arms off of me and got up off the ground. I took a look at everyone around me and I took off, because the only arms I wanted was Jakes and I would never feel them around me again.

No more hugs, no more smiles, no more anything! His life was over! I felt like mine was too. I didn't want to be without him. I ran to the cliffs, that my mom and Jake used to go to.

I had heard the story a million times about the stupid things my mom did when my dad left her. I didn't know how she could have done those things, but now I so knew what she was feeling. I got up to the top and looked down. I stood there for several hours. I heard them calling to me trying to get me to answer them. They were calling my name over and over.

I looked down again and I heard a voice. I didn't listen to it. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just wanted to be with my Jake. So I took a step into the open air…and fell!

I didn't even scream….Then I hit the water. I didn't even try to swim, I just went down. Then all of the sudden someone was pulling me up and out onto sand. I really don't remember anything else. The next thing I knew I was at home waking up the next morning.

When I did wake up I just laid there not moving. I just starred at the ceiling. My heart was aching, it was like there was a giant hole there, it was empty. Why did someone save me? Again my dad came to my side.

"Because we love you Nessie. We can't live without you, You will never do that again." He told me. I just starred at him. I wanted to tell him sorry, but I couldn't. I wanted Jake. No one else. He heard me think this and he looked at me and put his head down and walked out.

What was I going to do? I thought over and over. I grabbed the letter and ring off of my table next to my bed and I read the letter over again and grabbed the ring out of the black satin box and put it on. It fit perfect.

I told myself I would never take it off again as long as I lived. Which would be forever, a painful forever with out my Jake.

I feel back to sleep but only for a few minutes. Long enough to dream. I dreamed that Jake and I were out hunting this time alone. Then we saw a hunter Jake yelled at me to run. He screamed I LOVE YOU! PLEASE RUN! So I ran I thought he was right behind me. But when I looked back he was gone.

I ran back and he was….he was just gone and so was the hunter. I kept running and looking for him but he wasn't there! I woke up screaming. My mom came in and tried to sooth me, but I couldn't stop crying. She didn't know what to do. My dad called my grandpa and he ran down with his bag.

I just couldn't stop yelling and crying. I ended up punching my dad in the face and hitting my grandpa too. They called Jasper and Emmett to come and hold me down then my grandpa sedated me. I fell asleep hearing my dad comforting my mom.

This went on like this for about a month and then something changed. I woke up and everyone was in my living room. My grandpa Carlisle, grandma Esme, Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, my mom and dad.

They were talking about me. They thought I was asleep. I just kept listening. They were talking about what to do about me, how to get me better. Then my dad mentioned leaving. I screamed and ran out of the room.

"I am not moving away from him! I am not leaving him, I can't leave him. Don't you all see. I can't live with out him, I will never get better."

Everyone just stared at me. I couldn't take it, I stared everyone back in the eye. I just ran again. It seemed to me that was all I had been doing lately. It was like I was running from everything, including my life. This time I ran to where Jake was buried. I needed to talk to him and him alone. I needed to feel like apart of him was near. I fell to the ground next to him.

" Jakey, I need you. I need you now! You know what you promised me something when I was little. You promised me you would always be here for me no matter what. You broke your promise!" I started screaming at him at the top of my lungs and hitting the ground where he was laid to rest. " How dare you leave me. Why, why.

I hate you! Do you hear me, I hate you!" Then I started crying again. I laid down right there with him. " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I said that. I love you! Do you hear me please, I love you. I just want you back. I can't live with you! Please come back to me. Please! I'll do anything, anything to have you back."

I didn't hear anything. But when I turned around Seth and Quil was standing there in their wolf forms. I ran to Quil and he didn't know how to comfort me in that form so he pulled me away and went to phase. When he came back he pulled me into his arms and held me for the rest of the night. Just sitting on the ground with his arms around me. It was almost like Jake was holding me. Almost, nobody could hold me like my Jakey!

"Quil, What do I do? They want me to leave. I can't do it. I won't leave him."

" Maybe it would be better for you." Quil said.

I pulled away from him and looked him straight in the face. Then I looked at Seth.

" Do you all want me to leave?" I asked them. They wouldn't answer.

" Do you?"

" Of course we don't Ness. But we need to find a way to make you better! Your not getting better, and were all scared for you. We're scared your going to do something to yourself. There is a story about how a imprint got hurt and the wolf ended up killing himself because of it. We don't want you to do something like that." Seth said.

" What will you all do now? Whose in charge of the pack?" I asked I didn't want to talk about leaving anymore!

" We are all going back to Sam's Pack." Is all they said. I just let it go. Jacob wouldn't have liked that. Actually he would have been yelling at them for that.

I pulled myself away from them and told them goodnight. I walked at slow human pace down to the beach. I just wanted to be alone. It didn't last to long. My mom and dad showed up about twenty minutes after I showed up there. I was staring out at the ocean when they came up behind me, wrapping their arms around me.

" Renesmee, honey were sorry you over heard that. We aren't sure what we are doing yet. We want you to be okay. And right now your not." My mom said. "Honey, I know how you feel. I lost my best friend too. I know how it feels to loose the one you love! Please just talk to me."

" Mom, I just want to go home, Please." I whispered to her.

For the next several months I tried to act like I was getting better, so we wouldn't move, but I really wasn't. I had that nightmare every night. It was the same one I had the night he died, but I was in it. When I got to where Jake had been he was gone and I just kept running feeling so alone. I woke up screaming every night. I was still so numb inside. I didn't hunt anymore. I wasn't really there. After about three months my mom came into my room one night after the nightmare woke me.

"Honey, are you okay?" She asked me brushing my tears away. I just looked at her crying and curled up into a ball. " Nessie, were leaving. We know you don't want to, but I think it's what's best for you. Honey he's not coming back. You know that don't you. He can't. If he could he would already have done it. He loved you so much." She paused because I had looked down at my ring when she said loved. In the past tense, like he didn't love me anymore! "He wouldn't have wanted you to be like this. He would have wanted you to live your life happy not sad all the time, not because of him. We will be leaving the day after tomorrow. So tomorrow everyone is coming over to say goodbye. You need to be up and dressed." Then she kissed my forehead and walked out of my room.

I just wailed. I didn't want to leave! I had to many memories with him here. I needed them, it was the only thing keeping me going. I was dead inside. If I didn't have the memories of him and the place where he was actually, I didn't think I could live. I wish it had been me that was killed and not him. Why Jake. It's just not fair.

The next morning I woke up to aunt Alice in my room packing my things up. She looked at me and smiled timidly. For once in my whole life she didn't tell me what to wear. I pulled out a black t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. I pulled my hair up into a pony tail. I didn't really care what I looked like. It didn't matter anymore.

I didn't need to impress anyone any more so what was the use. I sat on my bed for a minute then went out into the living room. Everyone was already there. Everyone turned to look at me. Billy came over and hugged me. I started bawling.

He reminded me of Jake the most, I didn't want to say goodbye to them. What was the use, I had to so I did it. When I had hugged everyone one time and had told everyone goodbye. I knew there was one person more important than any, that I also had to tell goodbye.

So while no one was looking I snuck out the back door and ran into the woods. I made it to where I wanted to be in seconds. I just stood there for a minute then I walked over to where he was and sat down, just listening, crying softly.

"Jakey, I have to tell you goodbye. They're making me leave. I don't even know where were going. God! I miss you. It's not fair! You missed my birthday. It really wasn't anything special they tried, but I walked out. All I wanted was you to be there and you weren't so it sucked. I got a car, I haven't even seen it or touched it. It's a Porsche. I don't even care, where am I going to go without you?"

I sat there for a minute and a big mountain lion stalked by. I just sat there. There was only one person who could ever get me to hunt when I didn't want to and he was gone now. "Did you know your pack went back to Sam? I think that's stupid of them. Jake I don't want to leave you, but they won't listen to me. You know what my mom said to me last night. She actually asked me if I knew you weren't coming back. Of course I know that. I wish you could, but I can't let you go. Jake what do I do with out you? I keep asking everyone that, but no one will answer me. I need you!" I paused hearing my mom yell for me. "I have to go. I love you Jakey! I always will I promise you! Never forget that, you hear me. I'll never forget you. I love you Jacob Black till the day I die. I will love you forever! I love my ring, it will never leave my hand. Goodbye my Jacob Black." I got up to walk away and felt like he might have actually heard me. I thought I heard him say 'please be happy my beautiful Nessie. I love you forever!' I walked home at human pace crying. I ran right into my uncle Jasper.

" Hey sweetie. You okay?" He asked me

" Sure uncle Jasper, I'm great! I just said goodbye to the love of my life, that is buried in the ground. But other than that I'm fine!" I said sarcastically. I was tired of just letting every thing just go by me. He tried to sooth me with his power, but I reached up and put my hand on his face. I showed him my whole conversation with Jake. I asked him how he would feel if it were Alice. He couldn't answer me. He just stared at me. So I walked away. I couldn't stand everyone staring at me anymore. Instead of crying now and upset, I was angry. I was angry with every one and every thing. I went straight to my room and laid on my bed staring at my ceiling. I got to thinking about who I was now. I thought I'll never be that loving Nessie ever again! I got out of bed and walked out into the living room and my dad looked up at me.

" Dad, from now on I don't want anyone to call me Nessie. My name is Renesmee. I never want to hear it again." I told him, but I looked at everyone because they were all still there. Then I walked back to my room slamming my door. I was not the same person anymore. I was not Jake's Nessie. I was just Renesmee. That's all.

I feel asleep pretty fast that night with a different dream. I dreamed of telling Jacob good bye. I woke up crying, but I didn't scream. For the rest of the night I just laid there. In the morning I got up, got dressed in a black spaghetti strap dress. I didn't want to wear any other color. I was still in mourning. Alice came in to try to dress me and I was already done. She frowned at me. I didn't care, anymore what she wanted , I didn't care what anyone wanted anymore.

Before I never wanted to hurt her feelings. Now I didn't care whose feeling I hurt. As I said, I wasn't the same person. I wasn't happy anymore. I honestly didn't think I would ever be happy again. What was the use of being happy when everything there was to be happy about was in the ground in forks and I wouldn't be anymore! I was leaving happiness behind me and I wasn't picking it back up. I would always be the angry shell of the once happy Nessie.

I just left her in my room with that little pout on her face. I had chosen not to speak anymore. I would only use my power. I decided this last night while I stared at my ceiling. I was done being what they all wanted me to be.

I walked out into the living room and just looked at everyone. I didn't smile and I just thought. **Dad, how do I get to where we are going?** He looked at me like 'why didn't you just say that out loud'. My mom didn't know what to do. I just sat there and waited.

He didn't answer me so I walked over to my mom and replayed what I had asked dad, I used my gift this time. She looked at my dad then she looked at me. She picked up a piece of paper wrote the directions on it and then handed it to me. I took it, grabbing my purse and my keys, then got in my new car that I had never even looked at let alone drove, pulled out and left my favorite place in the world.

When I was near the place were Jake was left I whispered to him. "I love you my Jakey. Say goodbye to your Nessie! She doesn't exist anymore, they took her away when they put you were you are and they made me leave you. But she still loves you and she always will. Goodbye my love, my life, my world, and my best friend. It's all over for your Nessie now. I'm just Renessmee Cullen from now on."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 ~ Moving Dead

I got to the new house before anyone. We moved to New Hampshire. I just walked up to it, starring at it. It was a three story white house. It actually looked exactly like the one in Forks.

I got up to the porch and sat on the steps. I looked around and seen the woods to the left. So I got up and went for a walk. I found this tree and jumped up into it and sat down on the branch. I just sat there until I heard my mom calling for me.

I didn't answer of course but I thought _**I'm coming dad tell her I'm on my way! **_When I got to the house my mom gave me a worried look. I just shrugged my shoulders at her. I looked at my dad and thought _**Where's my room! I want to go to bed. **_ He shook his head at me and lead the way. He took me up three flights of stairs and showed me my room. I walked in and shut the door in his face and locked it.

" Renesmee Cullen! Open the door now!" He said. I could tell he was trying not to yell, but his temper was flaring. So I just thought _**What do you want dad? I'm tired from driving so far and I just want to be alone. **_

" Renesmee just let me in so I can talk to you." He said. So I just unlocked the door and opened it. He grabbed my arm and ushered me to my new bed. He sat down in a chair and pulled it up to my bed. " Honey, I know your mad at us for making you leave. But are you just never going to talk again? What are you doing? Renesmee, baby girl your killing your mother. She better than anyone knows what your going threw maybe you should talk to her. Please honey. I hate to see you like this. You're my little girl. Please be my happy little girl again."

In my mind I thought _**How daddy? I don't want to be happy anymore. I miss him more than anyone knows. How would you feel if it were mom? How did you feel when you thought she was dead? I just want to be alone please. I'm begging you just leave me alone.**_

"Fine baby girl. I'll let you be alone. We know you miss him. We do. Have a good rest. Were going to go hunting this afternoon do you want to go?"

_**No daddy, I don't want to go hunting. I just want to be alone. Actually what I want is my old bed, where is it? **_

"I'll have Emmett bring it up and get this one out of here if that is what you want. Esme thought you might want a new bed."

_**No I want my bed. **_

" Okay honey I'll get Emmett for you."

_**Okay thank you daddy. I'll try my best to get better here since that is what everyone else wants. **_

He just walked out of my room with a frown of his face. Thirty minutes later Emmett and Jasper came into my room. Jasper grabbed the new bed and took it out. And Emmett put my bed in its place. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote on it.

Thanks Em tell Jasper thanks as well.

At first he just looked at me, then he just nodded his head yes, then he walked out. I laid on my bed. The reason I wanted my bed was because Jacob had read to me in this bed and talked to me in this bed. When I was little and had nightmares of the Volturi coming back, he would always lay down on it and hold me. It was one of the only piece of evidence I still had of my memories with us together, except the letter and the ring. I loved my ring it hadn't been off my hand since I put it on. I promised him I would never take it off so I never have. Alice came in and started brining my stuff in. I wouldn't let her unpack it for me. I wrote another note.

Alice, thanks but I think I'll unpack my own things.

I got another weird look and a pout and then she walked out. I still didn't care that I had hurt her. I overheard my dad tell her to just let it go that I was just grieving. I would start talking soon. I thought _**Your wrong. I'm not going to talk soon dad. I have nothing to say out loud any more. No one listens to me anyway! **_

I started unpacking my things. When I was done. I opened my doors and walked out onto this balcony. It had a little chair and table there. I just sat there with a book in my hands. I didn't want to read so I put it down. I went down stairs to the kitchen and got something to eat and took it back to my room. I could feel every set of eyes on me. When I got back to my room I went back out to the balcony and sat down and ate dinner. My family was getting ready to leave on the hunt so my dad came up to ask me if I had changed my mind. He caught me out there. He smiled at me. I tried to smile back.

"Hey honey do you like your room? We thought you would like the balcony. Are you sure you don't want to go with us?"

_**No dad I don't want to go hunting. I already ate. I do like the balcony thanks. Hope you find something good. Have a good time dad!**_

"You too honey. You too!" He walked out after that.

In a couple more minutes after my dad left my room I saw everyone leave running into the woods. Alice and my mom stopped and looked up at me and smiled and waved. I just watched. When I was sure they were gone. I went down and grabbed my purse and my keys and got in my car.

I drove all the way back to La Push. I snuck into Jakes window. Billy heard me, he came into the room and seen me and smiled.

" Hey Nessie, I thought you guys already left?" He asked me.

I had brought a note pad with me just in case I got caught. So I wrote.

Hey Billy. Please don't call me that. My name is Renesmee. We did leave I just wanted to ask you if I could have something to remember him by. Something I could put in my room. A piece of him maybe. I feel like I've left everything of him here. You can tell me no if you want to Billy.

He walked over to me putting his hand on my face and looked me directly in the eyes, I know what he was seeing. The deadness in my eyes were a testament to how I felt. I looked any where but at him.

"Honey, You can have anything in here you want. That would make him happy. I'll get you some pictures of him for your room. Miss you guys already. Especially you. Do they know you're here?"

So I wrote again: No Billy they don't really know where I am. They went hunting. Pictures would be great, thank you. Can I have his pillow? It smells like him, I really can't sleep anymore, it might help me sleep.

"You take what you want. If it helps you out you take it. I'll get you those pictures." He told me and walked out.

I grabbed his pillow, a couple of his T-shirts, I opened up his closet and there was a box of stuff in it with my name on it. So I opened it and I started bawling. It was all memories he kept of me.

Letters he had written me and never gave to me, a bottle cap of mine, pictures he had taken of us, sea shells we had collected, it was all kinds of stuff. I looked up when Billy came in. He smiled at me, with a handful of pictures. He handed them to me and then he wheeled himself over to the dresser and opened a drawer, he handed me a box. I looked at him with a puzzled expression on my face.

" Its your birthday present." was all he said.

I opened it, it was a heart shaped locket that said, I love you my Nessie! I opened the locket and there was a picture in it, of us together on the beach and another inscription that said Forever and Always. I looked at Billy and spoke for the first time since the day before.

"Thank you Billy. You know you remind me of him so much. I thought the ring was my birthday present."

" It was, but so was this, he had the ring on him. Thanks for saying that. I love you too Ness." He hugged me.

"Alright Billy you're the only one who can call me that! Thank you Billy, for everything. I better get back before they freak out!"

" Okay, don't stay away. You can come visit whenever. I love you and he loves you."

"Thanks for saying that Billy, everyone keeps saying Loved like he doesn't love me anymore. It was making everything hurt worse. Bye Billy. I promise I'll see you soon" I told him hugging him again.

"Bye Ness, Hey, remember he still loves you and he always will!"

I left the house and went home. They still were out hunting when I got back. I took my stuff up to my room. I put my necklace on and put the pictures in frames I had, I would have to get some more. Billy had given me tones, old school pictures, pictures of Jake as a kid, all different kinds. I smiled as I looked at all of them. Then I put his pillow on my bed. Sliding down to my floor by my bed I started to go through the box.

I put every thing back in its place and put the box on my table next to my bed. I heard every one come back in, so I acted like I was asleep. My mom peeked in and looked around. I know she saw the pictures and the pillow, but she just walked back out. I heard her talking to my dad down stairs.

"She left, Edward, She went back to La Push! She has pictures of Jacob and his pillow. I wonder if Billy knows?" She said. I heard her dial the phone.

"Hey Billy, did you know she was there tonight?" "Yea, Okay, Thanks Billy. Miss you too. Bye" She hung up " She went there for some memories of him. She wrote to Billy that she fells like she left everything of him there. So he got her some pictures and gave her the birthday present Jake had bought her. She's got his pillow. Billy said she thought it might help her sleep. Edward, I don't think she's ever going to get over this." she told my dad.

I grabbed Jakes pillow and held it like it was him laying next to me. I fell asleep fast. I was breathing his scent in. It smelt amazing. It didn't keep the nightmare away though.

I was beginning to think nothing would help with that. Nobody came into check on me that night which I was happy about . I just got up and grabbed Jakes box and went out onto my balcony. I took out one of the letters he wrote me and never gave me and read the first I came too.

My Nessie,

You are so beautiful, When you look at me I just melt. I need you and want you so much. I never want to be without you, but if it should ever happen honey I want you to know how much I love you. If something ever happened to me I would want you to live your life to the fullest, my Ness. Be happy. I hope nothing ever happens to either of us, but just in case you needed to know this. I probably wont even give you this letter. Ill put it with the others in a box in my closet. I told my dad if anything ever happened to me to give it to you! I love you Ness! I hope one day I'll explain to you about imprinting and how I feel about you. I love you more than anything in this world. You complete me! The reason I have wrote all these letters is because sometimes when I'm away from you it hurts, so I write to you and put all my feelings down on paper. I love you more than anything in this world. Stay strong My Nessie, if I'm gone I want you to stay strong!

With all my heart and soul,

Jacob

I started crying. This is the exact letter I needed to read. I crawled back into bed and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

The next several weeks went like this: Every night I would wake up and read a letter. Then go back to sleep. The only difference was that the dreams where getting worse. I only saw Jacob now for a couple of seconds then he was gone, I just ran and ran!

A couple of months, maybe three, went by and it wasn't getting better. One night my family went hunting and I fell asleep and dreamed the dream. I woke up screaming. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to live like this. I would rather be dead with Jacob.

So I got in my car and got out on a little country road. I started to go really fast I was up to one hundred miles per hour and I heard this voice…sound telling me to stop it now.

'Stop it Nessie!' It sounded just like Jake, I looked over and nothing was there. I must be imaging things, looking back around I started to lose control of the car. It flipped eight times then wrapped itself around a tree. I just sat there for a minute. I got out of my passenger window, because my door was against the tree. I didn't even have a scratch. It wasn't fair.

Why couldn't I just die like Jake, why did I have to live with out him. I looked at my car and heard my phone ringing. I reached in and grabbed my purse and phone. It was aunt Alice.

"Renesmee, are you ok? All I can see is your car. We're on our way! Stay put!" She told me. Within twenty minutes they all were there. When they got there I was just standing there, staring off into space. My mom grabbed me. But grandpa made her let go of me so he could make me sit and check me out. She looked at my car with my dad.

" How did she make it out of that?" She asked my dad.

"Immortal, I guess that's how!" He told her.

They came over to me, grandpa was getting his stuff put back in his bag, when they came to me. I was sitting on the curb. They looked at me.

"Where were you going young lady?" my dad said. He was really angry.

I didn't answer him not even in my head. I just sat there starring off into space. I couldn't even think about anything, it actually felt good to me, because the pain of loosing Jake was gone.

My grandpa told him I was cationic. He told them they needed to get me home. My dad picked me up and cradled me into his chest and put me in his car, I really didn't fell it at all. My mom and dad took me home and carried me to my room. I just laid there in my bed staring off into space. I really don't remember anything. Just that I was laying there. I didn't think of anything. It was like I wasn't even there, it was like I was dead but alive, caught somewhere in between.

When my grandpa got home he came up to check me out again and I was still just staring. I started to hear them talking. He told my dad that he was going to give me something to help me sleep again. When I actually woke up I gasped for air. I didn't know where I was or when it was. My mom grabbed my hand and yelled for Carlisle. My dad and grandpa came running in. I felt so scarred. I actually talked.

"Mom where am I? How did I get here? The last thing I remember is hearing Jacob telling me to slow my car down, looking over and he wasn't there of course, but then I lost control of my car and it rolled into a tree. That's the last thing I remember." I was talking really fast, I couldn't stop myself.

"Honey, you've been in a catatonic a coma for over three months. We were so worried. I thought I was going to lose you!" My mom said hugging me to her it sounded like she was crying.

"What were you thinking? Renesmee, Huh," My dad yelled at me.

At that my eyes got all wet. I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't breath. I curled up into a ball. Then all of the sudden my body went limp and I slumped into him.

"Honey, oh my, baby girl are you okay I'm sorry please answer me. Carlisle!" My dad panicked.

"What happened Edward?" he asked my dad

" I don't know I guess my temper got the best of me, and I yelled and she started to gasp for air and then she slumped over and went unresponsive again." He told my grandpa

All I could do was listen, I couldn't answer, I couldn't move. I felt my grandpa listening to my breath sounds and he told my mom and dad.

" I think she's gone into a stress induced coma again. If she wakes back up, Edward you can not yell at her. She has been through too much. Her body can't take it. She might be immortal, but she is still part human."

He left the room. I heard my mom sit down in the reading chair and my dad left the room as well. The next thing I heard was my mom speaking to me.

" Please Renesmee come back to us. We love you. I need you. You're my miracle baby. My little nudger, please honey. I know you miss him, I miss him too. He would be going crazy right now if he knew you were sick. This would be killing him."

" um" I moaned " mom? "

"Honey, yah its me. Just relax," she told me

I laid there and looked at my mom, she was crying those vampire sobs.

"Mom, all I want is Jake. I don't want to live without him. It's like I'm not even here. I'm so sorry about the car. Where's dad? I want my dad." I screamed. My dad came running in the room.

"Renesmee, what's going on. Oh I'm so happy your awake. I'm so sorry I yelled at you."

"Daddy, I'm so s..s…sorry! I'm sorry about the car. Why did Jake have to die? why did he leave me? It's not fair. I love him and I never got to tell him." I laid there as my mom and dad held me and let me cry.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 ~ Coming Back Home…Numb

It has been almost two years to the day that Jacob died and my life flipped upside down. If you could see me now you would think I was great. That my life was perfect! I knew better. I was a good actress, I had to be.

My life was still a wreck. Just like my car had been. Mangled beyond recognition. I hadn't been back to La Push since Billy gave me the photo's. I didn't know what to say to him anymore. I really didn't talk much anymore, anyways.

I had went back to just using my power and writing notes, after my accident. I didn't hear Jakes voice after that again either. I still felt hollow and numb. I starting going to school, it was the only place I would talk, but only when I was talked to. I still felt like a big piece of me was missing and it was it was in La Push!

One day we got a letter from La Push. My mom grabbed it before I could get to it. She opened it up and read it out loud. It was a wedding invitation. Embry and Casey were getting married. Then my mom told me the date. It was the same date that Jacob had died.

I didn't know what to say. I just turned around and walked up to my room. It wasn't fair. I wanted so much to marry Jacob. Why would they have a wedding on the blackest day of my life. I didn't understand what they were thinking. Right then my dad walked in.

"Maybe, their trying to take a terrible day and make a little bit happier." he told me. I just looked at him and thought _**Are we going? **_

"Do you want to go? That's what I came up here to ask you. It's up to you." He asked me. I told him _**I don't know daddy, let me think about it.**_

I thought about what it would be like to see everyone after everything that had happened. I really did miss everyone. How would I feel to see them? Would it be a good thing or not? I didn't know how to really answer the questions I had flying through my brain. I decided to go in the end, so I yelled for my dad in my head as always. _**Dad, I think I would like to go and see everyone, if that is okay? Do you mind going with me?**_

So the next day we left for Forks. I drove my new car. It was a Shelby Mustang, it was pearl silver. It almost looked purple in the right light and I loved it. My mom rode with me, we listened to music the whole way there.

When we rounded the corner to the our old house I saw Seth, Quil, Embry, and Billy there. I threw my car in park, and jumped out to hug Billy. He hugged me back for the longest time. I so had missed him. He still reminded me of the one I didn't want to be reminded of. But, it didn't make me cry.

Instead it made me smile. Maybe, I was getting better and just didn't realize it! Then I hugged everyone else and told Embry congratulations and that I was happy for him.

By the time I had done that my dad and the rest of the family was there. I looked around and got a huge smile on my face. My mom and dad looked at me and then each other. I know I hadn't smiled like that in a long time, but I finally felt like I was home. I had missed it here so much. That thought was interrupted by the boys ogling my car.

" Is this your car Nessie?" Seth asked. Just the sound of that name felt like a bolt of lighting to my long dormant heart. I couldn't answer him at first. I just shook my head yes.

"Wow Ness it's gorgeous!" Quil said. There it went again that felling. My mom watched my face. I guess she thought I was going to break down and cry. When actually I didn't feel like crying I felt like myself, the real me. Jacobs Nessie. I hadn't felt like that in a really long time! I just couldn't stop smiling.

I went to my old room in the cabin the new bed that I had taken out of my room in New Hampshire was in there. I didn't care. I unpacked my things and went out to talk to my mom and dad. I actually talked too.

"Mom, dad can I go…"I paused I didn't really know where I wanted to go. Well actually I did. I was kind of lying to myself if I say I didn't. I wanted to go talk to Jake. So I just asked. "Can I be excused to go and talk to someone I haven't talk to in a long time?" They knew who I meant, my dad the mind reader especially. He knew exactly who I meant. I could have just come out and said it. My mom was faster than my dad though.

"Sure honey you go where you want just make sure you take you phone with you. Call us if you need anything." She said to me.

With that I was running out of the house. I ran so fast, I felt so free here! I hadn't run like this since before we left for New Hampshire. I ran right to where he was at. I just stood there for an hour not knowing what to say or what to do. After that I just gave up and ran off. I went down to La Push, I ran to Billy's house. He hugged me again for a long time.

"So Nessie, how have you been sweetheart? It feels like it's been forever!" He told me.

"Fine Billy, It does feel like that doesn't it. It feels good to be home!" I said all this, but I couldn't look him in the eyes. I guess I knew in my heart that I really was lying to him. It was hard to lie to someone who reminded me so much of Jake. I wasn't fine, I hadn't be fine since the last time I actually seen Jacob alive. I knew he synced this because he just looked at me.

"No Ness, I don't think you are! It's not getting better is it?" He said.

"I'm okay Billy really." I told him. I know he knew better but he let it go.

We talked for a little while then I went for a walk on the beach. Quil and Claire was walking hand n hand up the beach. When she saw me she came running.

"Nessie, Oh my, have I missed you!" she said laughing.

" I've missed you to Claire," was all I could say. Quil looked at me weird but he didn't say anything. I told them I'd talk to them later.

I kept walking finally I ended up right back were I first wanted to go. At first I just stood there again. But then I went and sat beside him. I just looked down at his head stone and finally I spoke.

"Hi…. Hey Jakey. I really don't know what to say to you. There's a first huh. I've missed you." I whispered. That was all I could say. So I just sat there remembering our times together. I remembered this one time we were on the beach and we were walking and I tripped him and he did a face plant right into the sand. He got up and chased me all the way home for that. When he caught me he tickled me till I couldn't breath. I laughed about that for weeks. I guess I was so lost in thought, I didn't hear Quil or any of the pack standing right behind me. I turned around and stared at them at first, but then Seth stepped forward.

" Are you okay Nessie?" He asked me.

" Yah Seth, I'm okay" I told him but just like Billy I really couldn't look at him.

" Hey Ness, look at me." That was Sam talking to me. So I looked up at him and in that one moment I let everything just flood out of me. Every feeling I had been hiding every feeling I acted like I wasn't going through. I guess in that one moment he saw all my pain in my eye's. I looked away instantly.

"Do you guys mind letting me be alone? Please." I asked them. I didn't want to see those faces that I was seeing now. They all looked sorry for me. It was the faces I had seen on everyone since the day he died. I just wanted to be alone again.

"Sure Ness if that's what you want, we will leave you alone." Sam said.

"Hey you guys, Nobody calls me that anymore. My name is Renesmee if you don't mind." I told them all.

"Okay, Renesmee. We'll leave you alone, see you at the wedding?" Seth said.

"Thanks Seth, See you there."

They left me there with him all alone, just like I wanted. I still didn't know what to say to him. I hadn't actually cried over him in a few months, but as soon as they left it all just over flowed.

I still was just as silent as before. I sat there for several hours. My phone rang and I answered it was my mom asking if I was okay and when I was coming home. I told her that I would be there in a couple of minutes. Hanging up the phone I stood up and walked away from him. When I got home everyone had decided to go hunting. They didn't even ask me anymore if I wanted to go, they knew I would say no. So they just told me they were leaving.

I feel asleep there shortly after. I dreamed a different dream of Jacob. I was standing in a meadow, next to a canopy of flowers. I could hear water running somewhere, I couldn't see it though. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. One minute he was there again. He looked me in the eyes and said…

"Be happy, My Nessie. It's all I want! Just be happy!" and then he took my hand and put my hand in someone else's. I couldn't see the other person, it was like a shadow there. Like someone else was standing there, but I couldn't see. Then Jacob smiled at me and walked away. I just stood there starring where he had been moments ago. Then I woke up crying.

What did it mean? I always knew he would want me to be happy, but who was the other person? Did he want me to be with someone else? I couldn't do that, I wouldn't. So I got out of bed. I decided to try talking to him again.

I ran to where he was laid to rest for the third time today. When I got there I still didn't know what to say but I made myself try. So I walked over and sat down there again. I looked down and I started talking.

"Hey I was thinking earlier about that time we went to the beach and I tripped you. Do you remember that? It was so funny! I miss my time with you. I feel like I've lost you forever. I barley can remember the things we did together. Actually to tell you the truth I try hard not to think about those times. It hurts to much." I had to stop I started crying so hard I couldn't breath. A couple of minutes went by and I heard something behind me and I turned around again and the wolfs were there again this time with Billy. He wheeled himself over to me. He put his hand on my face.

"I knew it wasn't getting any better Ness. I saw it in your eye's." Billy said.

" Billy I'm a good actress I have to be around everyone else. It's harder around you. You and Jake, I don't know, you remind me so much of him. He always knew when I wasn't fine. He always knew what to say to me to get me to feel better. No one else can do that but him. I miss him so much it feels like a part of myself is in that hole with him. I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of hiding how much pain I'm truly in. But if my mom and dad see it they will make me leave and for once since we left I really feel like me. When I left Billy, I passed by here I told Jacob to say goodbye to his Nessie, because she didn't exist anymore, but in all reality she does. She's just buried deep down inside with the pain of losing him. Billy, this is the most I've spoken in almost two years. Most of the time I don't speak at all. But, the two times I've come here today I haven't known what to say to him. I don't know its like I'm tongue tied, I've never had that problem around Jake, I always could tell him anything. Billy, I've done some crazy things since he died. Do you know about my car?"

" The one you came here in?" He asked

"No Billy, the one I left here in, my Porsche." I paused

" No honey I don't know, what happened?" He asked me. I had forgotten all about the guys behind me.

" Billy, one night I dreamed about Jake and it's the same dream that I've dreamed since the night he died. The one were he's killed. We'll I woke up and I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted so much just to be with him. I don't really remember a lot of what happened. But what I do remember is, I was driving really fast and all of the sudden I heard him Billy. I heard his voice tell me to slow down Ness. I freaked out and looked over to see where it came from and I lost control of my car. I rolled my car Billy, eight times into a tree. I walked away without a scratch. After that all I remember is waking up after several months at my house. I tried to kill myself." I told him, breaking down crying "I actually tried to kill myself. I bet he hates me for that. I don't know how I came away from that crash, Billy my door was up against the tree. I don't know how I made it out of that water that night either. My mom told me that you all found me on the beach. Billy I didn't try to swim. Something or someone pulled me out of the water. Just like someone saved me in that crash."

" Ness, I think you need to sit there and tell Jacob everything. I think the reason you can't talk to him is because your ashamed of what you did. You can't feel him here anymore can you?"

" How'd you know?" I asked him.

" I can see it in your eyes. He's here I feel him. And I bet if you talk to him and tell him everything and really tell him what you need to tell him you'll feel him to. Ness I think he's been trying to help you, but you haven't been letting him. We'll leave you to talk. I'll call your mom and tell her what is going on, in about a hour we'll come back and check on you. If you need more time we will come back. Okay?"

" Okay Billy" was all I could say. I watched as they left me to be alone with Jake again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 ~ Finding Out Who Else Was Meant For Me

I waited till they were all gone. When Seth passed me he gave me a small smile and I saw tears in his eyes. They all hoped I was getting better. I sat there for a moment longer and all of the sudden it all came out.

I told Jake about the car, the cliff jump, the nightmares, not talking, everything I could think to tell him I did. I told him I got the box of letter's and things he had collected. I told him they helped me sometimes but not enough.

I told him I never thought I would get over the pain. When I said this I hung my face in my hands crying. When I said this all of the sudden I could feel a warm breeze go by my face. It felt like a hand creasing my face. It was him.

So I kept telling him about not hunting in two years and the burn that was so constant from not going. I told him about my dream tonight. And again I started crying and hung my head in my hands this time I felt his hand under my chin lifting it up. When I looked up I saw him. He smiled at me and all I could do was stare at first.

"Jakey? Is that you?" I whispered

"Yes Nessie, it's me. Honey I've tried to talk to over the past two years, but you would never listen to me. I didn't know what to do. Ness, I know you did those crazy things. How do you think you came away from that crash Ness? HUH! I protected you from that. I was right there with you. I pulled you out of the water too Ness. I don't hate you, I never could hate you. I love you too much for that. Baby girl, I want you to be you again. I heard what you told me that day. That made me the saddest I've ever been. That part of you, needs to come out Ness its been buried long enough. That hurt worse than you telling me you hated me. I knew that wasn't true. But saying good bye to that part of you was torture. You keep asking everyone something. You asked my dad the first night when you laid with me and told me goodbye. You asked him if I knew you loved me. Honey, I know how much you love me and I will always love you, but you have to let me go. You'll never get better if you don't let this hurt go. You have something good coming for you, but you have to let it happen. You'll have to let me go before it can. I'm not saying let me go and forget about me. Please don't do that, but you have to move on with your life. Your still stuck in the past honey, you have a happy future ahead of you, if you'll let it happen. Please be happy and let it happen Ness!"

"Jakey, please don't stop talking. If you do I'm afraid I'll lose you again." I said crying and shaking. I felt his arm go around me and that at first made me cry harder then I smiled really big.

"There's the smile I love so much. I haven't seen that in years." He told me.

" I thought I'd never feel your arms around me again. Jakey, I'm sorry I went away. I'm sorry I did those stupid things. I just don't know how to be happy without you. I don't want to be without you, Jake. I always thought you'd be with me. I wanted to marry you and have kids with you, if I could. I wanted to be with you forever. I just don't know how to rewrite that future I had written for myself. I turn 18 in 2 weeks. And the one gift I want I can't have. I know I'll never have it again and it kills me. All I want is you. DON'T YOU GET IT I JUST WANT YOU! I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO HOLD ME AND KISS ME. AND HOLD MY HAND WHEN WE WALK DOWN THE BEACH. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE WHAT I WANT JACOB BLACK? WHY?" I screamed. I couldn't take it anymore it all just came out all the anger I had been suppressing for the past two years just came tumbling out. "IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME JAKE, NOT YOU, WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN LEAH, OR SAM OR SOMEONE ELSE JUST NOT YOU! "

Just then when I said why couldn't it have been Leah or Sam I heard a gasp. I just turned around slowly and saw everyone. I just curled up into a ball on the ground and cried even harder. Jacob whispered in my ear

"Because honey, it was my time to leave you. So someone else could have a chance to love you my angel" so I whispered back.

"But I don't want to love anyone else!"

I felt Jake trying to comfort me by putting his arm around me again. It worked for a minute until someone spoke.

"We'll come back Ness! Okay." It was Billy.

All of the sudden I heard Jake talking to his dad. Billy smiled and listened to him. I saw everyone stiffen. I guess they heard him too. I don't think they had heard him before. I heard him say…

"Dad, I'm trying to help her. You know how much I love her. I need your help and I'm going to need my packs help. Sorry Sam that excludes you, but if you want to help you can. I want you to take her back to our house dad. Put her in my room. Call Bella tell her everything, if I have to I'll go talk to her, but anyways next after she gets some much needed rest I would like the pack to take her hunting" when he said this he whispered in my ear "and no weaseling out of it, you are going. Try to beat Seth." Then he spoke up again. " Did you hear that Seth, see if you can get a larger animal than Ness. I doubt you will, but try. She usually wins!" I laughed at that. He stopped because I hadn't done that in a while. He smiled at me and went on talking. " After the hunt I want her to go back to our house again and go back to sleep for the night. Tomorrow, we'll see what to do then." Then he turned to Leah and gave her a mean look. "Oh and Leah, I heard everything you said to her that day! I watched her back you out, and heard you complain to Sam. If you ever are mean to her again, I will come back and haunt you! I promise you this. Now Sam, After I take care of Nessie tonight I will be talking to my pack. They will not be joining you anymore! Sorry. There was always supposed to be two packs and there will be again after tonight."

"Ness do you think you can walk?" Billy asked me.

" Sure Billy." I told him, but all of the sudden I couldn't really. I stood up and about feel back down.

" Seth, do you think you could carry her if that's okay with her?" Jake asked Seth then turned to me. " Nessie is it ok if Seth carries you to my house?"

" Jakey, I don't care as long as you don't leave me right now." I told him. I didn't want him to leave. I needed him, honestly I think this is what I had needed all along.

" I won't leave you I promise, I'm going to take care of you like I've been trying for the past two years, I love you Ness!" He whispered to me. I smiled again. I smiled the most I had smiled in a long time. It felt so good, I don't know how to explain the feeling.

So Seth picked me up into his arms. All of the sudden I felt so tired I snuggled into his chest and fell asleep. But right before I feel asleep Seth looked at me. It was weird he just stared at me. So I smiled and so did he.

The next thing I know I was being put into Jakes bed. Seth smiled at me and spoke to me again.

"Have a good rest Nessie. Dream happy dreams, okay. If you need anything I'll be in the living room." He was being so sweet, the Seth I knew, again. He actually looked me in the eyes again too.

When I looked over Jacob was laying next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me. I fell asleep in a Spirit Warriors arms. He wasn't really what they called a Spirit Warrior, but he was a spirit and he was my warrior, always fighting for me and protecting me. When I woke up Jake wasn't there so I just lay there thinking. I guess he had to go talk to my mom. I bet that was a shock to her. I would have loved to see her face. But it didn't take too long. Then he was back.

"You ready to go hunting Nessie?" He asked me.

" Yeah Jakey, I guess. I'm going to lose though. I haven't been in two years" I told him. "Where did you go?"

"You'll beat him, trust me! Your an amazing hunter. I had to go talk to your mom. She didn't believe my dad. You should have seen her face. It was hilarious Ness." He was smiling down at me!

"Will you come with me?" I'm scared to go without you Jake!"

"No Ness, you go with Seth, he'll keep you safe don't worry. I'll be here when you get back. Your mom said for you to stay here as long as you needed." He told me.

"I'm scared this was all a dream and when I get back you'll be gone!" I told him. I started to cry again. He didn't say anything for a while, so I just cried louder. Seth came in.

"Ness what's wrong?" He asked me. He looked really worried.

I just looked up at him with tear streaked eyes and told him the truth. It just came out. I felt like I could tell him anything. It was weird feeling it was a feeling I had toward Jake.

" Seth, I'm scared! I haven't went hunting with anyone besides Jacob. I haven't been in two years!"

" I won't let anything happen to you I promise. It's instinctual Nessie. Oops I mean Renesmee. I know you don't want to be called Nessie. Sorry!" He told me, he came and sat next to me and put his arm around me. It felt a little weird at first, but in a way it felt nice.

" Thanks Seth, you can call me Nessie if you want, its fine with me. I bet I can still beat you though!"

I paused and took three steps toward the door to Jakes room. Jake smiled at me. I had used this maneuver on him before, to get the head start, not that I needed it. But I didn't know how fast Seth was. Seth figured it out pretty fast, but I was already out the door and across the beach. I smelt a mountain lion a mile away so I darted through the forest and got it before he even made it through the trees. It tried to fight, but I took it down with just one blow to the neck. The blood felt so good going down my throat. One mountain lion wasn't enough, I ended up with a elk and a deer before I was finished. By the time I was done I felt slushy. I waited for Seth, it only took a second more and he was there. I just smiled at him and pointed down to the mountain lion and the elk. He also had an Elk but not as big as mine! Next thing I heard was Jake laughing.

" I warned you Seth, she was always better than me. She don't even cheat. Ness do you feel better?" Jake asked me.

"Do you need more?" Seth asked

It felt a little weird both of them trying to take care of me. I just looked at them both and said one line.

"No I'm fine actually I'm kind of full now."

"Well what do you want to do now?" Seth asked me. But then he added "You look a little tired still. Do you want to go back to the house?"

"Yeah, I am a little tired, but I want to talk to Jacob alone if that can be arranged." I turned to glare at Jacob.

"Okay Ness, I'll see you later, all right?" Seth said with a smile

"All right, see you!" I told him.

The way he was looking at me was kind of cute, so was his smile. I can't believe I just thought that. What was I thinking. Had all that blood gone to my head. I just stood there for a minute while he walked away. I walked back to the house and laid down on his bed. Jake stood there for a minute then stooped down next to the bed.

"What do you need Nessie?" He asked

" Why.." I paused I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say.

" Why, what Ness?" So I just blurted it out!

" Why is Seth looking at me that way, the way you used to look at me?"

He just stared at me. I blushed. He smiled and touched my face and I started to cry.

"What's wrong Nessie?" He asked me brushing tears away again.

" I wish more than anything that you were actually here with me. Really here. I want to be held and really held with strong arms. I want to curl into a perfect copper chest. I want to kiss…." I just stopped, I wanted to say you, I did want to kiss him but I had this other weird feeling that I wanted to kiss someone else too. That felt so wrong to me. I just stared at him and starting crying even harder.

" I know what you mean Nessie, I wish I could be that for you too. But you know in your heart I can't. You also know in your heart that there is someone else that can. He's close too. I could get him for you. If that's what you want. I know if I was here and you really could be with me, you would have said I want to kiss you, but we can't do that." He paused and I blurted out.

" Why do you keep calling me Nessie?"

He looked at me really weird and said " What do you mean Nessie? I've called you that since the day you were born."

"No you used to call me Your Nessie. You haven't said that at all. Don't you want me anymore? Am I not yours anymore? Can't I still be yours?"

He didn't answer me, but I seen it in his eye's I couldn't. I closed my eyes and I took off my ring and ripped off my necklace really fast, it broke the clasp. I dropped them at his feet with slow tears going down my face.

It felt like my heart ripped open again, that big hole that I thought was being repaired. Just taking off the ring did all of that! I ran out of the room and down to the beach. I sat there for hours in a ball with my arms around my knees. It was starting to get dark when I heard someone come up behind me. It was Seth.

He sat down next to me and didn't say a thing. It was starting to get a little cold and I shivered. He scooted over and put his arm around me. I couldn't really help it and it made me cry even harder, but I turned and buried my face in his chest. He just held me tight and let me cry myself out! Then I looked up into his eye's, they were beautiful. They were a mahogany color.

"I can't be with him anymore, Seth. You know how much I love him. You know nothing will ever really change that. I can't help that! No matter how hard I try I can't make it go away. I'm scared to fall for you Seth. You imprinted didn't you? On me? What if I fall in love with you and all my love for Jake goes away? What if I forget the love and him? I'm so scared!" I paused " Never mind don't answer me just…just please hold me Seth! Please!"

" Ok Nessie, I got you its going to be ok I promise. I got you!" He just held me. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up I was back at Jakes with Seth putting me in the bed. I wouldn't let go of him. So he just laid down with me.

"Go back to sleep honey, it's Okay I'll hold you till you get to sleep again."

Within minutes I was asleep dreaming the same dream as always, but it was different this time instead of it being Jake it was Seth. I woke up muffling my scream with my hand. No one was here. No Jake. No Seth. I was all alone like my dream! Then I heard their voice down on the beach. So I snuck out of the window and snuck down there I hid behind a beached tree.

" I'm sorry Jake. I couldn't help it. I don't want to hurt her, I'm scared I'll hurt her. Do you hate me?" Seth asked

"No Seth I don't hate you! I knew this was going to happen. You will take care of her. Your going to give her everything she wants and needs. You won't hurt her, I promise. If you do I'll find a way to come back and kill you, I promise you that! But do me a favor will you?"

"Sure Jake anything!" Seth replied

" Let her remember me, Let her still care for me. Don't take that away from her. Make her keep the presents I gave her, there on the dresser in my room. She took them off after I told her she couldn't be mine anymore. She belongs with you now, Seth. Be good to her! Don't let Leah be mean to her and hurt her. You'll have to make her hunt, and take care of herself, for a while at least. She's not going to be okay when I leave again." He paused because they herd me gasp. I clamped my hand over my mouth and ran back to his room. I slammed the door shut and slid down the door with my hands over my mouth to muffle the sobs. Seconds later they both were there, Seth at the door and Jacob standing in front of me.

" I don't want you to leave, please don't leave me again." I cried "Please, Please, Please Jakey Please!"

"I have to. Seth will take care of you. It will take a while but your going to fall in love with him. I can already see it happening and so can you. You can feel it, can't you? I love you Nessie. Nothing will ever change that even when I'm gone! Even when you fall for him, he knows you'll never truly be without that love for me. Let him love you and take care of you Ness. He's going to be good for you. He's in charge to my pack now. Help him, Okay! I need you to be happy again, honey please do that much for me. I can't stand watching you like this. If you ever need me you know where I am. I'm always here for you. Take the ring and the necklace back please. You don't have to wear it but keep it. It was a gift from me. I still cherish you My Nessie. I will always love you my beautiful girl. I cherished every memory I made with you. Every step we took side by side, I will remember them. Cherish your life and be happy in it, I have to go. I love you forever and Always My Renesmee Carlie Cullen. Don't ever forget that, you are loved!"

With that he was gone. I moved away from the door and crumpled to the floor, but Seth caught me before I hit it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 ~ After Effects Of Losing Him Again

The next morning I woke up alone. I felt the lose of Jacob again, but it wasn't as bad as before. I guess it was because I had gotten my answers. I knew Jacob loved me and he knew I loved him. It was still going to take a while to get over him leaving again, but I knew I was going to have some help. I looked around for a minute and Seth had left me a note next to the bed.

Nessie,

If you wake up and I'm gone. I'm sorry. I had to go out on patrol this morning. You know, crazy Alpha of the Pack stuff. I'll be back as soon as I can I promise sweetheart! I know you'll need me when you do wake up so hopefully I'm there. Maybe, when we get back we can go for a ride in your car! I'll be there soon.

With my love,

Seth

_Wow, he has beautiful handwriting ._ That got me thinking, could I really fall for him? Could I love someone else? I didn't know, but I did know if he was willing to help me get better and would be here as a friend at least, I would try.

I needed a good friend right now. I still was felling the lose of Jacob to much to think about it too long. I grabbed the necklace and the ring. I put the ring on the chain and decided to wear it like that.

I thought I could at least still have him close to my heart. Before I put it on though I opened it and looked at the picture, for a minute. It was a happier time for me. I wish I really could be happy again, like Jake wants me to be. So I decided to at least try. He asked me to do that much. Just be happy! I didn't know if that meant with Seth, but we would have to see, I guess. I ended up falling back to sleep, when I woke back up Seth was back watching me. I looked up at him and he smiled.

"Nessie, I know you'll always love him. I wouldn't take that from you. Don't be scared to fall in love again Ness. You'll never forget him, because I would never forget him. Just let me take care of you. If you don't end up feeling the same way about me, then I won't force you into anything. Let's just take it slow. I'll help you through what your going through and then we can talk about the other stuff. Okay?"

"Okay. Will you do me a favor?" I asked

"Yeah, anything for you"

"Will you go for a walk down the beach with me? Then I need to go home and get something's. Then maybe I'll let you drive my car!"

"Are you serious, you'll let me dive your car?" He said with the most excited face I have ever seen. He grabbed my hand and got serious again "Of course. I'll go for a walk with you and I'll go to your house with you. I'll do anything you want to do! Even if you won't let me drive your car." I started giggling at that. He just smiled at me.

"I really love your laugh." He paused to look at me "Nessie are you ok?" He asked because I had started crying again.

"Yeah, I'm Okay, it's just….Nothing."

"Nessie you can tell me, you won't hurt my feeling's I promise whatever it is. It has to do with Jake right. I forgot he used to tell you that all the time didn't he Ness. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay it's not your fault, trust me. You sure you want to be around me? I'm going to be like this for a while. You don't have to sit around and watch. Little things like that are going to make me sad."

"Nessie, I'm exactly were I want to be. If you need to talk about him or go see his grave or anything else just do it. I'll be right by your side. I promise! I miss him too, honey bear. You take as long as you need and I'll be by your side the whole time. Honey bear, I'm here for you, no matter what it takes, I will help you be happy again. I promise you that."

"What did you call me?" I asked him

"Oh, is that okay? I came up with a nickname for you. Your just so cute like a honey bear." He said, I had to smile at him.

"Yeah it's okay. It's different from any other nick names I have, so it's all yours to use." I told him!

I got up and got dressed and we both headed down to the beach hand and hand. We found a beached tree and sat on it for a while. We sat in silence just looking out at ocean. Then I jumped up and headed towards my house. He jumped up and in three of his long strides he was by my side, he grabbed my hand and gave it a genteel squeeze. It felt nice, his hand was the same size and temperature as Jakes. I looked up at him and he smiled at me. He lifted our intertwined hands up to his face and kissed my hand. I smiled up at him.

In so many ways he reminded me of Jacob. Like his hands, his height, his body temperature, his scent, but in other ways he was better. We made it to my house, my mom and dad were in my living room. My mom was sitting in her favorite chair reading Withering Heights again for the millionth time. She should know it by heart by now, I know I did. Dad, was looking at a medical book. When we walked in they both looked up. I smiled at my moms facial expression when she looked up and saw our hands. I guess Jacob didn't tell her about that part. Or dad, because the look he was giving Seth kind of scared me at first, the he said something totally unexpected.

"You better take care of her, or I'll come after you and hunt you down like the dog you are." Then he smiled and said "But, I didn't really have to say that did I. I can see in your thoughts, Seth, I know you will do exactly that." Then he looked at me. "Honey your momma and I are leaving right now to go pack up the stuff in the New Hampshire house even though we are leaving most of the stuff there. Is there anything in particular you want?"

" Were moving back, seriously, that's awesome. Yeah, my bed and everything else in my room."

" Okay, so all of Nessie's room gets packed. You stay here and hang out with Seth. Unless he needs to be some where else."

"Nowhere else matters right now, I'll stay with her." Seth said smiling at me.

I looked up at Seth and just smiled really big at him, he smiled right back at me. My mom smiled at me and kissed me.

" See you later sweetheart" then she looked at Seth and whispered in my ear. "See I told you, you'd find happiness again."

"Thanks momma! Love you" then I looked at my dad "Love you too daddy!"

After they left I told Seth I'd be right back. I walked into my room and sat down on the bed. I thought about how much I still loved Jacob and how much that love had cost me in the past couple of years. I thought about the feelings I was starting to have for Seth. I knew in my heart there would always be a huge place in my heart for Jacob. I would always love him. I also knew I had to move on with my life. So I promised myself that starting today I was going to do just that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 ~ Picking Up The Shattered Pieces Of My Life**

So I walked in my closet to find something pretty to wear for Seth. I hadn't stopped wearing black since the funeral, but today I wanted to wear colors again. I wanted to feel pretty! I also still hadn't let my aunt Alice pick out my cloths since the day that he left me, but at this exact moment I so wished she was here.

As soon as I thought it and made my mind up that I was going to call her to have her help me, she was there. She knocked on my door and peeked in and smiled at me. I smiled at her crazy excited face that I hadn't seen in a long time. Alice loved cloths. I just had to laugh.

"Go ahead Alice, work your magic." I told her still laughing so hard I barley got out the words.

"Yippee!" was all she said and she went to work on me.

She picked out a baby blue Dolchea and Gabonna halter dress with the same color strapped heels. She pulled my hair up off my neck and pinned my curls into place. When she was done she turned me around to look in my full length mirror. When I looked, I about chocked.

"Thank you aunt Alice. You are amazing. I love you!" I turned and hugged her.

Then I grabbed my purse, sunglasses, cell phone, and my car keys. Told aunt Alice I'd be back later. I didn't tell her where I was going, because she would have wanted to go.

"I already know where your going crazy girl. You go have fun with Seth. Remember NOTHING BLACK!"

"Thanks, you know you're the best aunt in the world, right?" all of the sudden I heard a hiss from up at the white house. " Sorry aunt Rose, it's a tie, I promise!" I said winking at aunt Alice. She smiled at me and hugged me.

"Now get out there and show him how beautiful you are," She told me.

I walked out into our living room, Seth was standing there with his back to me, staring at the fire in the fire place. I loved to watch the colors in the fire.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked him

As soon as he turned around his eye's just about popped out of his head and his mouth dropped, but he recovered really quickly. He got a huge smile on his face.

"WOW, Honey bear you look gorgeous!"

"Thank you, are you ready or not!" I looked down and then looked up at him from under my lashes. It was something I saw my dad do. Seth just stared at me at first then he took a deep breath.

"S-sure where are we going?" he stuttered. I had to smile at that.

"I need to go to the mall, I need a dress for the wedding tomorrow."

"Okay" he said still with that huge smile on his face. "Toss me the keys and we can go!"

"No!" I said in a playful way, smiling at him. I darted out the door at full speed. I only made it half way to my car when he caught up to me. I started walking slowly toward my car, but I watched him in my peripheral peek, he was still following me.

He reached out toward me, with my back still turned toward him, he started tickling me. I couldn't stop laughing. Putting his hands on my waist and spun me around to look at him, so fast it was just a blur. He caught me off guard and kissed me. For a minute I was shocked. Then I started kissing him back, I didn't know what I was doing, but it felt amazing.

He wrapped his arms around me and I tangled my fingers of my left hand in his hair. In that one moment all my sadness vanished and I was completely my happy self again. When he pulled away he smiled the most amazing smile. It was like he was the most happiest person in the world and it made me smile too, because in that moment I was also happy. Then when I wasn't paying attention again, he kissed me again and grabbed my keys out of my right hand. I pulled away from the kiss for a second to say something but he spoke first.

" Hey, I wasn't done kissing you, yet!"

Then he kissed me again, slow and genteel. I let him go ahead and drive my car. I turned the radio up and the windows down. He held my hand the whole way there. When we got there he shut off the car and he came around opening my door.

"I'm not to trilled about shopping, but as long as we are together, I'm up for anything." I smiled at him, because we were together more than I thought possible for me to have again. I was finally starting to enjoy my life again.

I'm not saying I was over losing Jacob. That was going to take some time, but I was happy. Seth had done that, he had made me happy again. I kept smiling up at him for a minute until he bent down and kissed me on the cheek. Then we walked into the mall hand and hand. We went into several stores and I bought several things. I had tones of bags and he carried all of them for me. Every time I had a bag in my hand he would take it from me. Then we walked by a store I wanted to buy something in, but it was a present for Seth and I didn't want him to see it.

"Hey, Seth do you think you could go get me a coke?" I asked him. Every time I looked at him now all I could do was blush and smile.

"Yeah sure, do you want anything else?" He smiled back at me.

"No just a Coke will do, Thank you."

"I'll be right back, no wondering off."

"Okay, I'll be in that store right there," I told him pointing at the store.

"I'll be right back," He walked away, he turned around half way and smiled back at me.

When he turned back around I walked in the store and found exactly what I was looking for. It was a amazing watch. Seth had complained about always being late. So I thought he needed a good watch. So I bought it for him.

I had them engrave words into the back of it. By the time he got back with my Coke and himself a pretzel, the lady at the counter was putting it in a bag. We went to several other store's, I found a beautiful dress and shoes for the wedding. Seth got a little sad when I wouldn't let him see them. He kept trying to peek.

"You'll just have to wait till tomorrow." I teased him. I really wanted to watch his face again when he saw me in it.

He made the cutest sad face I had ever seen. So I startled him by reaching up and kissing him. I pulled back really fast though, because something felt different this time. I felt something in my heart this time when I kissed him and it wasn't a nice feeling. It hurt, I felt like I was betraying Jake and I didn't like it. I starred at Seth with wide eyes and tears came down my face slowly.

"Honey bear, what's the matter? Did I do something to upset you?" he asked putting his arms around me and hugging me close to his chest.

"No Seth it wasn't you, I need to go talk to Jake by myself if you don't mind."

" Why would I mind, I told you what ever you need you do it. If you need to talk to him you do it. Do you want to go now?"

"Yes Please. Thank you Seth. I don't deserve you," I told him, still with tears streaming down my face!

"No Honey bear you have that backwards. Your to beautiful for me. I don't deserve you." He told me brushing my tears away with his fingers.

I felt terrible. On one hand I really enjoyed kissing Seth, but on the other hand I had that nagging feeling of betrayal. I knew Jacob wanted me to be happy and that he knew it would be with Seth. Why would he feel betrayed by me. I didn't understand the feeling. So we got back in the car and headed back to my house.

"Will you please wait for me here?" I asked him "Please!"

" Sure Nessie!" He looked into my eyes "You sure you don't want me to come with you? I will if you want me to?"

" No Seth. I think I need to do this on my own, but thanks for offering and thanks for staying and waiting for me."

" Of course, Ness. You go do what you have to do, then come back to me. Okay?"

" Sure, It shouldn't take long and I'll come back to you," I smiled up at him.

I took off running at full speed. Within seconds I was there. I sat down where I always did and started talking to him.

"Jakey, I need to talk to you, can you hear me?" I asked him. I was a little scared that he wouldn't answer me, but in my heart I knew he would. He had said if I needed to speak to him I knew were to find him. I always felt him the most right here.

" Of Course, I hear you Nessie. What do you need, sweetheart?"

" Jacob, you know that… I still love you, you know that right?"

"Yeah Ness, I know that," He paused " Go on"

" Well" I paused then blurted out my question "Am I betraying that love for you by falling for Seth?"

He startled me by laughing.

" What's so funny about that?"

" Nothing Nessie. No honey, your not betraying me. I know your going to be with Seth. I told you that. I was laughing at the face he made when you kissed him."

"You know I kissed him?"

"Yeah Nessie, that face you made when you pulled away really fast, that face was because you thought you were betraying me? Honey, just because you kissed him doesn't mean that. It means your getting better and your starting to have feelings for him. Don't worry about me Ness! You always did that, just like your mom. You always blamed yourself for everything. It's not your fault that you have those feelings for him. Just be happy Nessie! That's enough for me to be happy, Alright?"

"I'll always love you Jakey, but I know now that I have to let you go. I do love him already Jake. It's hard to explain, but I miss you too. It's hard to love two people at once." I whispered.

"I know Ness, I know that you love me and that you always will. I also know you love him. I miss you too, but, you do need to let me go. I love you Nessie! Always and Forever just like the locket says. You were my true love!"

"You were mine too, but you were taken from me Jake! You were stolen from me and now I have another love. I'm scarred Jakey. I'm scarred to get hurt again."

" I know that. You need tell Seth that and let him help you. Goodbye my Nessie!"

" Don't say goodbye, because your never gone from my life Jake. No matter where you go, you'll always be right here, in my heart!" I said with tears streaming.

Then all of the sudden I felt Jake's lips on mine very softly. And he whispered. "I'll always love you my Nessie. I just wanted to be able to say, I had kissed an angel too."

Then he was gone. I knew he wouldn't be here anymore. I set him free today, he didn't need to watch over me anymore. I walked back to my house at human pace crying softly. When I got back, I went to my car to get the bags out and they already were gone. So I went into my house.

He wasn't in the living room where I expected him to be instead he was in my room sitting on my bed. I opened my door and he smiled at me. I tried to smile back, but it was hard. I looked down by my closet door and everything was right there in their bags.

"Are you okay?" He asked me, he got up and wrapped his arms around me again.

"Yeah, Seth, I'm fine. I just had to do something that was really hard for me to do." he kissed the top of my head "Seth, I let him go!" was all I told him.

He just held me for a really long time. Then he kissed the top of my head again.

"You didn't have to do that, you know?"

"Yeah, I did. It's the only way I'm going to get any better. And it's the only way I could tell you this, I love you Seth." I kissed him again. That feeling of betrayal was completely gone. During that one kiss I heard Jacob whisper in my ear. " Be Happy My Nessie!" I started to cry again. Seth pulled away to look at me.

"You sure your okay?" He asked.

"Better than Okay!" I told him.

I pulled him over to the bed with me, sat him down and I sat on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me again. I looked up and stared right into his gorgeous eye's and said it again. "I love you Seth, I really do. I know its weird and really fast, but I feel it in my heart. Its strong too." He smiled a huge smile and kissed me again.

When he was finally done kissing me I was gasping for air, it felt so nice. I got off of his lap and walked over to the bags and pulled out his present, it was in a black box. I handed it to him and smiled.

" For you" was all I said. He opened the box.

"Wow, you bought this for me?" he said

" Yeah, silly who else would I buy it for. Do you like it?"

" Of course I love it. Thank you." He told me.

"Turn it over." He did and he gasped.

He looked up at me and smiled. I just smiled at him as he read it out loud. "I love you Always and Forever! Wow Honey bear, this is the best gift I've ever gotten."

"I'm glad you like it"

"I love you too. Always and Forever!"

"Seth, I need to tell you something I told Jacob today! I told him I was scared to get hurt again!"

"Honey bear, I would never hurt you! Not on purpose, you know Jake would never have hurt you either. He loves you! As do I. If you ever feel that way tell me, you can always come to me and tell me anything. Alright? I love you my Honey bear!"

" I love you too." I said

" You know what now I won't be late anymore."

"That was the whole point of the gift." I said while laughing. I sat there laughing in his arms. He started laughing with me.

We went to the wedding the next day. It was amazing. It was on the beach in La Push, Casey's dress was beautiful and even Embry looked dashing in his tux. Everyone was happy. Even me, even on this hurtful day, it felt okay for me to be happy. I couldn't help but smile.

" Look how beautiful her dress is Seth."

"Not as beautiful as you are in that dress." He looked me up and down and got a huge smile on his face.

At the reception we danced the night away. Then we went for a walk hand and hand down the beach together.

" Nessie, I love you!" He whispered!

" I love you too My Seth! Always and Forever!" I whispered back and I kissed him in the moon light as he walked us hand and hand towards home.


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

When I looked over my life for the past couple of years, first with my life after Jacob and after the love was lost forever, my life was mangled beyond recognition just like my Porsche. Second, my life with Seth now and after the Love was obtained again, my life was more like my Mustang. Beautiful, fast, and amazing. I was who I was supposed to be, I was Nessie Cullen again. The beautiful happy girl, who loved and was loved!


End file.
